| J's profileWithin the margin of err...PhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
August 15 NEWS!Due to the long-lasting frustration I've had with Live Spaces and MSN
in general (no wonder they're trying to change their name -- cuz it
sucks!!!), I have finally manifested my intention of moving. And what better place I could find but my long-time fav Google. I appreciate the support my space has gathered over the years. Do move with me to my new and far superior home: http://withinmargineoferror.blogspot.com/ dear diaryMy Vegas summer is finally coming to an end. my last day at work was last Friday. on the same evening Meng and I had dinner with some of the partners. I spent Monday and Tuesday interviewing with 4 other firms. Compared to my interviews earlier this year for this summer's job, I definitely felt a confidence boost and improvement in my speech and attitude. I don't know if it comes from working at the firm or just from growing as a person. Whatever it is, being a lawyer seems to do me a lot of good. I can definitely see myself spending a lifetime here in this glamorous city deep in the desert, with it's neon lights and it's larger-than-life personalities. The legal market here is absolutely wonderful, and still growing. The housing market is crashing, like the rest of the country, but Vegas has no worries, and neither should I. And I have no complaints about the tax, compared to Michigan. Funny, though, how I started thinking about these factors that determine where I want to spend my life. Housing and tax, never in a million years would I have thought of that barely 3 months ago. And here I am, aging away... Meng left today to go to Berkeley. It's a great opportunity, it's a great law school and I hope he's happy there and will make lots of friends. There's hard times ahead, I think this summer has just been the tip of the iceberg. But I also see new-found confidence and a bond between us that's stronger than ever. I know that this is the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I know that he will protect me and cherish me, and guide me when I lose myself. And I know that he feels the same way, and that's all that matters. Now all that's left for me is to go home. I cannot wait to go home. ******************************** 最近确实没有写中文了。不怪我，办公室的电脑没有中文输入，男朋友的电脑没有中文输入，而我自己的电脑又收不到wireless。整个夏天一直在用M的电脑玩dota，也算是小小地上瘾了~呵呵！ 明天一大早的飞机，要加紧收拾行李的了。东西可真不少，本来来这里的时候行李已经超重了，经过3个月的疯狂购物，真不知道明天要罚款多少才能把行李搬上飞机。。。不过也算是值得了，来过Vegas的人都知道，这里的每家赌场里都藏着许多高档商店，除纽约之外还真没有在别处见过这么多名牌boutique，可真是乐死我了！ 好啦，时间赶紧过去吧，我一个人在这儿呆着多没意思。真想家了，我已经吃了整整3个月的方便面了。。。 August 09 dear diarytoday i saw a lesbian couple in the walmart parking lot. 3 things to be said about this:
1) yes, i shop at walmart. apparently they sell groceries.
2) for my chinese friends reading this, here's some background info: gay/lesbian discrimination is one of the last few discrimination we're struggling with here in the US (or at least, that's what they would like us to think - i personally believe that there's plenty of discrimination out there). one of the cutting-edge issue arising from this dispute is gay marriage and the mass of people against it. it's the epitomy of American stupidity if you ask me, but who am i to judge. but then again, why can't i judge? i'll stop judging when i become one of them. i guess then i'd be more reluctant to call myself stupid.
3) so this couple tauntingly looks at anyone who makes eye contact, in a proudly hostile way. now, i am a gay-people-lover, anyone who knows me knows that half my friends are gay or lesbian, and i believe in their entitlement to all rights that everyone else enjoys and i see no different in them as a person and as my friend. that said, i suddenly realized why some people don't like them. sometimes, it's not that people see them as different because of their sexual preference, but because they - the targeted ground - set themselves apart. the perfect example - who in the world walks down a walmart parking lot throwing taunting looks at others, daring them to stare or judge? this couple reminded me of teenagers that wear unusual clothes, parade themselves up and down the street, then claim that they should not be judged by what they wear. you friggin wore those clothes to draw attention, you hypocrite! and how many times do we see a bitchy gay person at the bar or some store yelling at everyone, then claiming he's being kicked out cuz he's gay?
anyways, here's the point i wanted to make. if gay/lesbians want to be treated like normal people, they have to treat themselves like normal people, first and foremost. this point extends to all groups being discriminated upon. black people, if you don't want all the crimes in the world to be planted on your butt, tell your brothers to stop committing crimes! disabled people, if you don't want people to be sensitive to your disability, stop being so sensitive on every unintentionally sensitive word that others use they talk to you!
disclaimer: i know i'm touching on some really icky issues here, and i know that i am heavily bordering on stereotypes and discriminatory statements myself. i am not trying to target a whole crowd, but i'd merely like to reflect on the single instances that i see in my everyday. i'd like to make it very clear that my firm belief is that all people are equal in every way, and no person should be judged by their racial or any other background. that said, stop staring at me like that when you walk down walmart because i WILL punch you in your sorry face. August 08 dear diarytonight Meng and i had our first real "relationship talk" where we discuss what we see in this relationship and in our future. while i'm glad that he's finally opening up and that we're pretty much proceeding with the understanding that someday we'll have a family together, i can't help but wonder how suitable this future really is for me. i love him dearly, and that love has kept me around despite so many miserable days. in the end, i'm finally seeing something rewarding and it just makes me more determined to hang in there. at the same time i have utterly lost myself. my values, my beliefs, my firm ideal of a life filled with freedom and individuality. i've consented to a family, to kids, to taking my career into backseat, someday maybe even giving it up. in exchange i'm promised a strong family, lots of love and devotion from a person i love. i suppose this is what all women had wanted years and years ago. maybe something that many women still want today. but others have moved on, have become strong and independent and successful. i envy them, i want to be them. i've never minded hard work or loneliness. whatever it took to become successful. but as i slowly fell in love, more and more, i found myself utterly lost. i made up artifcial limits, i've compromised, i've talked myself into mediocrity. and so much more of the like is still ahead. and while i'm rocking back and forth, not knowing what to do, in my deepest heart of hearts i think i already know. i will never be able to let go of this relationship that i've tried so hard to build up. but i cannot help but wonder, will i really be able to become what's expected? a good wife, a good mother, a good keeper of a good home and family?? August 04 dear diaryyesterday all the summer associate went to Tao to celebrate some of them's last day at work. The decorations of that place was insane!!! drank hard, partied hard, had to drive myself home cuz Meng didn't answer his phone. boo. but, all is well today. no hangovers! yay! August 03 p.s.today i made the grand discovery that i enjoy editing more than writing. but my (potential) employers need not know that ... it does make me think that i would prolly be even happier studying journalism and becoming an editor for a magazine (not newspapers, cuz i hate newspapers - they dirty my fingers all the time). just a thought, but it kinda sucks to have second thoughts about my career choices, especially when up to this pt i've been so convinced that being a lawyer rocks. dear diaryyesterday i had lunch w/ a hiring partner from cooper levenson and her husband. even though one works at a lawfirm while the other owns his own real estate company, they managed to form a partnership, had their office on the same floor in the same building, share clientèle, and cooperate on many projects. it made me see what i had always suspected, that the best marriages are the ones in which you become real partners, in life as well as career. it really struck me, the way he looked at her when he said, "and i followed her to Vegas." Or when she told me about how when she was promoted from a previous job and moved to a bigger office, she had to use the same furniture. she went home disappointed, only to get to the office the next morning to find brand new, gorgeous furniture and a note from him that says, "i thought you deserve better." i believe there are several reasons why a career-based partnership makes a marriage so great: 1) both being professionals, you have many things in common and many things to talk about. even when you're not in the same field, arguably, you're probably both interested in the latest news in WSJ or NYT. 2) you appreciate your partner's success, you understand when you're partner's busy, and you know how to help when your partner is in trouble 3) you are equals in many ways. no one will be pressured to do all the household chores (assuming you're not married to a jerk) or bring in all the bread. thus, no one will feel dependent or being depended upon. 4) you're financially more stable and you'll have doubled amount of networking (hopefully). moreover, having a sophisticated makes attending formal dinners with your spouse easier. this is a very practical point, but nonetheless valid. 5) since both are busy, you will appreciate the time you spend together so much more 6) the relationship between two intellectual, well-educated people is arguably more sophisticated. to say the least, there's a bigger chance divorce won't end up in violence. August 01 dear diaryI can hardly believe that it's already August. Time really does fly, especially in the summer. My summer associate job has almost come to an end. Throughout this experience I have remained faithfully appreciative of this opportunity, and have watched myself grow both as a person and as a professional. They say that somewhere down the road, you experience some drastic change that makes you realize that you've grown up. For me it's never been like that. Every day teaches me something about myself, and every day I grow a little. The biggest achievement in my life so far is this summer. I've experienced real life in a real way, I'm paying my own bills with my own money, I get up at 6 in the morning and get home at 6 at night, I experience bad traffic to and back from work everyday. Everything is new and exciting, despite little hassles now and then. The independence that comes out of having a job is the most valuable thing for me. Nothing I've experienced in life so far has come close to this feeling of security and freedom. The second milestone this summer is the change in relationship between Meng and I. Since I've had this job, our relationship has taken a backseat. Meng is more trying to work around my schedule than I'm trying to work around his. And I'm no longer putting so much emphasis on that aspect of my life. As such, I've felt that I had take on a more dominant role because to me, a relationship is no longer a must-have but more of a recreational activity after work. Despite this change in attitude, for some reason, this summer made our relationship into something more stable and permanent. Or maybe that has just been my own perception because I am amongst married coworkers now who all bring their spouses to dinners and parties and expect me to do the same. It could also be the repeated reassurances that Meng gave me in fear of losing me. Whatever it is, I definitely feel more secure now in this relationship than I've ever felt. This feeling is much-needed in light of the difficult time ahead, but I'm not too worried now that I'm still soaking in this new-found independence. One thing I miss most is mom's food. I can't wait to be home again and be pampered and fussed over by my mom. There's nothing like home, that much I've also realized. |
|
|
